Question of the Week: My Friend's Boyfriend is Controlling and Jealous

Last night I went to the movies with my friend and her boyfriend. He forced her to leave half way through the movie because he thought she talked to another guy on her way to the bathroom (he’s crazy). I’ve told her before she should break up with him, but she doesn’t listen to me. What can I do?

Seeing your friend treated this way sounds very frustrating, especially when it seems she doesn’t care about her happiness as much as you do. And you’re right – there is probably something wrong here. Her boyfriend sounds extremely jealous and controlling, which can be one aspect of an abusive relationship. However, you can’t fix this problem for her. Ordering her to break up with him will probably only push her closer to him and possibly further from you and her other friends.

What you can do:

    • When you are alone with your friend, tell her that the incident at the movie theater bothered you and that you’re worried about her.

    • Tell her you won’t try to make her decisions for her. Tell her you will be there to talk to if she ever decides she needs to talk about her relationship.

    • Try not to say negative things about him – it will only make her feel defensive of the relationship or even feel sorry for him. Instead, focus on the positive things about her and her life.

    • Encourage her to think about adults she could talk to if she ever needed to.

    • Refer her to loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. Let her know all calls and chats are confidential and anonymous. She may not seem interested, but at least she will have the information if she decides she needs to talk.



    Friends and family are welcome to contact us too – so if you’d like to talk more about your friend, please give us call (or chat with us).

    *all of our calls/chats are confidential. this question is a an example of one we get often.





    posted by loveisrespect
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    loveisrespect featured on The Today Show

    We wanted to thank The Today Show for including the segment Is Your Teen Being Abused? on this morning's show. The guest, Sara (a member of the Liz Claiborne Teen Task Force), did a great job of telling her story of surviving an abusive dating relationship. Plus, at the end of the segment our phone number and website was given and we saw an immediate increase in number of calls and visits to our website- which we always love.

    For now, you can view the segment through The Today Show website.





    posted by loveisrespect
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    volunteering with loveisrespect.org

    Here at loveisrespect.org we get a lot of emails and messages via MySpace about volunteering with the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline. We really appreciate the interest (really). But because we are concerned about safety and the ability to remain anonymous for those that contact us and our volunteer advocates, we are only able offer volunteer opportunities in our Austin office.

    If you do live in Austin, please look into volunteering. If you don’t live in Austin, this blog will feature specific ways you can get involved in working against dating and domestic violence right where you are. So please keep reading our blog through www.loveisrespect.org or through the blog feature at Myspace.

    A simple way to get involved today is to spread the word about dating abuse and our services. Our resources page features mini-posters, quizzes, and cards you can download and print to post at school, work, or wherever. Also, you can show you support loveisrespect by adding one of our badges to your website or MySpace profile.

    But an even simpler way to help us is to help those around you. If you know of a friend involved in an abusive relationship, please find a safe time to give them our contact information. One of our peer advocates would be happy to talk to them. If you'd like help figuring out how to talk to your friend, or you just have questions about dating abuse, please feel free to chat with us or call too.






    posted by loveisrespect
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    welcome to loveisrespect's blog

    Thanks for visiting loveisrespect.org and our new blog.

    If you haven't heard of us before today, we'd like you to know that loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline provides peer advocacy via phone or live chat. If you need to talk to us about dating abuse, please contact one of our advocates.

    Going forward, our blog will be a place to read about loveisrespect news, healthy relationships, dating abuse, and ways to get involved working against dating and domestic violence in your own community. We'd also love to hear what you have to say. So if you'd like to comment, go ahead. And if you have a story or idea to share, please let us know.






    posted by loveisrespect
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